Will the Summer of Barbie Bring on a Winter of Discontent Between the Sexes?

A mother and her daughter debate the positives and negatives of the hit movie

September 2023

LIKE MANY MOTHERS and daughters who saw the Barbie movie together this past summer, I emerged from the theater having a completely different reaction to it from my two, now-adult girls. In my case I was seeing it for the first time; for them it was their second. Their enthusiasm was undimmed: they laughed, they cried, they identified. I enjoyed it well enough: much of it was funny and delightful. But I was left confused and somewhat disappointed by the movie overall.

Instead of simply harping on my reaction in this newsletter, however, I thought it would be more valuable to hear why the movie struck such a huge chord among young women — from a young woman herself. Below is an edited transcript of a conversation I had with my wise, 22-year-old-daughter Beatrice Frum, now a junior at Occidental College. My questions are in italics with her answers following in plain text. ~Danielle Crittenden

BEA, I’M INTERESTED that we each had different generational takes on Barbie. What spoke to you most about the movie?

It may be a tired point, but there is so much pressure and expectation in being a woman, a young woman especially. You must be a stellar student, a best friend, a great girlfriend, beautiful, and keep up with the maintenance that goes into it from $100 skin potions to Pilates. You feel that your room for exploration has unspoken boundaries: How you explore will be judged harsher compared to that of a young man. You have to have your interests hammered out early to distinguish yourself amongst your peers, but they have to be the “right” interests – i.e. not too nerdy but also not superficial — and universally appealing so they engage those around you but are still specialized enough that you come across as unique.  

But we know all this. Discussing the complexity of womanhood has been an ongoing topic from the beginning of our existence to the #MeToo Movement.  In recent years, with the help of social media, these conversations have become bigger and even endless (a good thing, I think). 

One of the main critiques of the  Barbie movie is that it simply regurgitated these conversations and ideas we’ve come to know so well without adding a new point. Yet although these conversations and ideas are prominent on social media, they rarely seem to affect our offline lives. Though we all cry out on Instagram stories, those cries don’t manifest themselves in our legislation, our classrooms, our bedrooms. It seems that after #MeToo, we got a bigger chunk of the online political discourse pie but without tangible results. 

In terms of mass media, too, those paradoxes that I listed in the first paragraph have only become more enunciated. We got new superheroes, reality television series highlighting working women or “girl bosses,” princesses who don’t need princes, and new versions of Jane Austen adaptations. And don’t get me wrong, I loved a lot of those programs and movies, and some of them did feel like change. Female stories were being highlighted! Women filmmakers and writers could get a paycheck for them! But those stories didn’t speak to the underlying feeling that lurks within your soul: I feel like an average woman, not a superhero nor a princess nor a complex teen heroine. And I’m constantly overwhelmed by the thought that I’m doing everything all wrong. 

I’ve seen Barbie twice now, and each time I’ve cried during America Ferrera’s speech she makes to Margot Robbie when they’re all back in Barbie land. (I may have rewatched the speech alone on YouTube a couple times too. Maybe.) And though some may have groaned at that speech because her points felt so obvious –- they felt obvious because we feel them in our day-to-day lives and talk about it with our girlfriends, but we rarely get the chance to shout them from the rooftops through a major piece of media.  (Our conversations on social channels disappear after 24 hours; blockbuster movies have a longer shelf life in our cultural memories.)

I loved Barbie because it didn’t end in her becoming extraordinary or finding a form of perfection in herself. It ends with pure acceptance – of the good and the bad. She wants to feel the full human experience – from sorrow to joy – and see how it forms her as a person. The closing moments of the film portray a woman ready to live, mess up, cry, and laugh in no extraordinary terms. And perhaps there’s a message in this that isn’t just for women, but for anybody on this planet: It’s extraordinary enough simply to be human.

Ah, got it Bea. Eloquently put. This is a heartfelt Gen Z cry for help. The online world is competitive, overwhelming, and perfection-oriented —all in the context of celebrity culture. Let me ask you now about the Kens. Conservatives criticized what they saw as a stereotypical and derogatory view of men (podcaster Matt Walsh condemned Barbie as “the most aggressively anti-man, feminist propaganda fest ever put to film”). I don’t think they were entirely wrong. For example, when Ken returns from his journey into the real world, he has been inspired by the power he witnessed men wielding there. Montages of hyper-masculine men at work and play, who show both dominance over and indifference towards the women around them, gird Ken to recreate the patriarchy in Barbie land. The result is a send-up of “bro” culture: The pink Dream Houses are redesigned to resemble man caves, with large, flat-screen TVs, leather sofas, mechanical bulls, live horses, and beer. Lots of beer. The Kens begin to mansplain and demand housewifely services from the Barbies, who become brainwashed and comply.

I found these scenes very funny (as did the audience: Given the level of laughter and hooting from the young women in the theater, I got the feeling the movie was sending up every bad date they had ever gone on). But if I’d been watching it as a man — especially a decent, caring man — I might get somewhat offended.

How did you react to the male stereotyping?

Well, I think the reason conservatives — and Republicans especially — are mad is that that they see a mirror image of themselves in their own actions. I mean look at the overturning of Roe v Wade — that throws us back into the 1960s!

In fact, I thought men were portrayed rather nicely. It’s rare these days to find a man who wants to support you but who is also comfortable with letting you sparkle. So, at the beginning of the movie, you have Ken serving Barbie without a sense of self. But the movie doesn’t end there. The reason why Barbie bristles at — and ultimately breaks up with Ken — is because Ken idolizes her without knowing her. And the reason that Barbie doesn’t want to have a relationship with Ken is that she doesn’t want to date someone with incel tendencies…

So I’m going to push back here. Ken is driven towards incel tendencies because he is so dismissed and humiliated by Barbie in the Barbie world. Isn’t this something we see replicated in real life? Young women are succeeding today on much greater scale than young men. You and I have discussed this a lot. Your male peers are failing across the board compared to their female peers: They are more likely to drop out of school or complete a college degree; are more depressed; more prone to addiction and to commit suicide. (Richard V. Reeves, a senior fellow at the Brookings Institute, has written a powerful and definitive book on this topic.) I think it’s a fair generalization to say many men are struggling and need help. They feel redundant — just like Ken. Don’t they deserve recognition and compassion too?

The difference between Barbie world and our world is that the Barbies have never had to face what it’s like to be a woman in the real world. Despite our success, we still edit ourselves in a way the Barbies at the beginning of the movie never think to do. What’s disturbing is that when Ken reaches the real world, a lightbulb goes on that he can control women. In the end, Barbie wants equality in relationships. The problem with Ken is that in his fight for his own equality, he tries to obliterate the other side and impose patriarchy. Interesting: When men talk about inequality they get angry and even violent. Women, as I said, edit themselves.

One of the things that struck me was that the movie implied young women still have this fear that, if they are not vigilant, they could be thrown back to the Mad Men era. I was born in 1963, as you know, which makes me just old enough to have dim memories of those times. I vaguely remember a certain type of male snapping at women as if they were servants. But by the time I was fully conscious of cultural politics, the sexual revolution and women’s movement of the 1970s were in full swing; certainly no male peer of mine would dare to treat women the way some of their fathers might have.

Thus I’m pretty certain your generation has never experienced that kind of retro, sexist male behavior — or more precisely, those kinds of retro, sexist male expectations, at least in the democratic West. (Obviously we’re not talking about countries like Iran or Saudi Arabia.) Where would this fear come from today?

We still have soccer moms. We still have women whose entire existence is to serve their husbands.

You really see this? Do you ever feel in danger of this yourself?

The “Stepford Wife” may be confined to more privileged families, so you don’t see it everywhere. And although we might not have had that experience in our lifetimes, we have studied it and know its history. We are so grateful to our mothers and grandmothers for giving us freedom from that way of life. And yet we are still punished. Not to pick on you, Mom, but you tell us we live in a world of equality and we should feel bad for the men now. Sure, I feel bad that young men feel angry and confused and that there isn’t a good spot in the world for them. But you know what? I feel that way too! But I’m not an asshole about it. Young men should take a lesson from young women in terms of working hard and working on yourself and working hard for others. It’s a constant female thing to apologize for your success.

I would actually argue it’s worse for you now: The sexes seem at greater odds with each other than ever before. Do you see a way forward romantically with men? The conclusion of the Barbie movie didn’t.

I don’t know — I think the end of the movie was not a rejection of romance but to advocate for the right kind of romance. The fact that conservatives are getting mad that Barbie doesn’t want to give herself over to Ken is a problem. Women are getting punished for not wanting to date weird, angry men. The reason I get so annoyed sometimes is that, like I said, we are expected to have this sympathy for men and their anger. If we behaved the same way we would not get sympathy.

At the end of the day we need to stop living in a world in which women have to make everything okay for everyone around them even if when comes at the cost of self.

Postscript: A longtime male follower of the Femsplainers, Sheldon, messaged me over the summer just after the Barbie movie was released. He wrote:

Do you ever feel like you're being gaslighted by the entire freakin' world? I'm seeing lots of posts by my fellow Liberal friends who are (rightly) ridiculing the Conservatives' attacks on the new Barbie movie. In response, I've commented on a few that I recall not long ago when it was the Second-Wave feminists who were decrying the effect they thought Barbie dolls had on little girls' psyches, making them into fashion-obsessed little Stepford Wives. To my surprise, most of these folks are arguing that that never happened! I guess they missed out on Susan Douglas' book, Where the Girls Are: Growing Up Female with the Mass Media. Back in college, I had a Women's Psychology course that was taught by a feminist prof who made us read that. This woman HATED Barbie, and she was old enough to have been around when the Second Wave began, so all of that is seared into my memory. Did I dream it all, Danielle? Am I having a false memory? Did they put something in the Covid vaccine after all? LOL!

No, Sheldon, you did not dream this. I, too, was struck by the movie’s celebratory embrace of pink and extreme femininity (clothes, lifestyle, etc.), themes the women’s movement has rejected for decades.

I was among the second generation of girls to play with Barbies (the first Barbie was sold in 1959). When feminists began criticizing Barbies in the 1970s, they mostly took offense at the doll’s unrealistic figure and feared it would encourage body dysmorphia and eating disorders among girls. Barbie was also slammed for being materialistic, unambitious, and hyper-feminine — the very opposite of a progressive role model.

Barbie’s creators at Mattel listened, and soon the doll was rolling with the times. While original Barbie never lost her pointy feet and exaggerated curves, she did — as this writer points out — begin to conform to more feminist ideals:

Barbie never married, owned her dream house, and was a model for the self-sufficient woman. As the decades progressed, Barbie’s career aspirations flourished. She became more than a fashion model, and versions of the toy were released as an astronaut, pilot, chef, doctor, Olympic athlete, and even presidential candidate.

By 2016, Mattel had even introduced a “curvy” — aka fat — Barbie (although in truth she looks to be about a size 6), as well as seven skin tones and 22 eye colors. Finally there was a Barbie for everyone.

Meanwhile, at the same time, Disney began producing fewer helpless princesses. We saw the rise of warrior princesses who didn’t need a prince to save them thank you very much. More often it was the princess who saved the prince (even if in the end they still fell in love).

Then there were the original (animated) Barbie movies, which my daughters watched growing up. They were a nice mix of independence and love, with the Barbie and Kens showing mutual respect and admiration for each other (exactly what I felt was lacking in the latest Barbie movie). I only found out much later that the original movies’ executive producer Rob Hudnut is the husband of one of our most beloved Femsplainers, Caitlin Flanagan. He co-wrote both the scripts and songs/lyrics for those Barbie movies (among many others). It suddenly all made sense! If you know Caitlin and Rob, you will see a true, fairytale romance of the most modern kind. No one would ever accuse Caitlin of having Stepford Wife tendencies! She is strong, brilliant, beautiful, and immensely talented. She is also fiercely independent (the Irish streak no doubt contributes to this). Rob in turn is obviously equally brilliant and talented. The love, appreciation, and respect they show for each other is something we should all aspire to in a relationship.

---

---

The story of Barbie’s creator, Ruth Handler, was left vague in the movie. No wonder! After co-founding Mattel with her husband in 1945 (originally the firm sold picture frames), she and other company executives would go on to be indicted by a grand jury in 1978 for conspiracy, mail fraud, and giving the Securities and Exchange Commission false financial statements. Handler was fined $57,000 but served no jail time. Instead she would go on to produce another innovative product in the 1980s: prosthetic breasts for women who had undergone mastectomies (Handler herself underwent one for breast cancer).

Until that moment, such prostheses weren’t available. Handler, with several other women (many who were also cancer survivors), designed a product so realistic you could not tell a woman was wearing one. They called their company called “Nearly Me.” Handler and her team personally went to department stores to teach salespeople how to fit their customers. Handler would even fit First Lady Betty Ford with a Nearly Me after her mastectomy. The company was eventually sold to Kimberley Clark.

So the woman who believed little girls would like to play with an adult doll with breasts went on to create fake breasts for real women. When asked to reflect on her life by the Los Angeles Times, Handler said, “I’ve lived my life from breast to breast.”

---

Thanks for reading The Femsplainers Newsletter. It’s great to be back after a summer break (well not really a break! I’ve been working hard writing the sequel to my first novel Amanda Bright @Home. I’ll be excited to share more news about that soon).

Happy September everyone. I look forward to re-connecting in October!