Slut-Shaming, Sex Slavery, Dad Gizmos, Trolling & a Big Shot of T
It Was a Lively June!
So That Went Well…
Recorded the last podcast for the season, and looking forward to a short break before we start gearing up for fall. Exciting news: The Femsplainers will be joining the Podcast One network! We’re looking forward to reaching a larger audience — and value any input from our existing listeners for ways to improve or expand the show. Do you have a wish list of guests? Whatever you think, we always love hearing from you. You can reach us directly by emailing contact@femsplainers.com.
Now I know some of you will say: Can you have Nancy Jo Sales back? Again and again? Nice try. Those of you who didn’t listen yet to that episode can clue in by clicking on the clip below. By way of background, Nancy Jo is a writer for Vanity Fair who recently authored a book about dating apps called Nothing Personal: My Life in the Dating App Inferno. The point of her book — as I belatedly and to my peril realized — was not to draw attention to all the miserable sexual experiences she had (more on those in a moment), but to blame them on the inherent “misogyny” of the apps themselves.
So: Nancy Jo begins her Tinder journey as a single mother living in New York at the age of 49 and sets her profile as a woman seeking casual sex with men in their twenties. Unsurprisingly a lot of casual sex with younger men commences. And hey, if that’s what you like to do as a consenting adult, go for it! But surprisingly, she does not herself set any parameters for quality control or safety. Instead she invites these complete strangers into her apartment, into her building’s gym, on to her building’s roof top (started wondering if her co-op board knew about this), and has sex with them in every way you can imagine. She refers to them in nicknames: Mountain Boy, Beard Boy, Clueless Boy, and Theo the Ass Eater. You get the idea. One of them she really falls for is twentysomething Abel, who ends up lying to her and cheating her out of money.
But, also surprisingly, is how consistently puzzled Nancy Jo was that she was not finding love or lasting commitment from these encounters -- a factor she blamed alternately on patriarchy, sexism, and, as mentioned, misogyny. (Just a side note: when Nancy Jo uses a man for sex or says she needs to find a rich man to meet her bills, she views this as empowering). I was not the only one to be surprised by her surprise: for more details you can read this excellent review by Judith Newman in the New York Times. The review something I brought up to my peril as well. Once I mentioned it, the entire interview went south. The clip starts as the train is building speed, just before it flies off the rails entirely …
Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln…
Faced with Sex Slavery, What Would You Do?!
We completely changed gears for the next episode: I was joined by the brilliant and brave bestselling journalist Gayle Tzemach Lemmon, author of The Daughters of Kobani: A Story of Rebellion, Courage, and Justice. She shared remarkable tales of Kurdish women who, as ISIS began conquering northern Syria, escaped their traditional families and took up arms. More than that! They battled the terrorists town by town, street by bloody street. As Lemmon noted, these female fighters amounted to
the most far-reaching experiment in women’s equality in the least likely place in the world. By creating all female units … they made clear that women would be responsible for their own decisions and their own defense: women could and would lead men in battle, but women would not be led by men, falling exclusively under an all-female command structure.
As one of the women commanders said to her troops, “Remember this fight is not just for you. It would be better to die with dignity here today than to become their slave.”
Their examples are extraordinary as they are inspiring.
Why Are men — and Fathers in Particular? — So Hard to Find Gifts For?
Top mansplainer David Frum returned to the podcast to answer this eternal dilemma for our Father’s Day Special (well basically he just walked upstairs). His amusing views on what men REALLY want may surprise you (see clip below). Also joining me for that special was author Matt Feeney, who discussed how competition is killing the joys of parenting and childhood, based on his new book, Little Platoons: A Defense of Family in a Competitive Age.
As Feeney notes:
In the American ideal, family life is a sacred and private sphere, distinct from the outside world. But in our hypercompetitive times, parents have become increasingly willing to let the inner life of the family be colonized by outside forces that promise better futures for their kids: prestigious preschools, "educational" technologies, youth sports leagues, a multitude of enrichment activities, and -- most of all -- college.
Are You Too Quick to React On Social Media? You Are Part of the Problem...
Longtime listeners will remember when Jonathan Rauch last joined the podcast to discuss his exciting, then-new book, The Happiness Curve, Why Life Gets Better After 50 . (Spoiler alert: It does, except for the sagging skin part.)
So when I received a copy of Jonathan’s latest book, The Constitution of Knowledge: A Defense of Truth, I was eager to find an angle for the podcast -- because Jonathan, besides being a wonderful, accessible writer, is also truly one of the most important and persuasive thinkers of our time.
Sure enough, his book struck many themes we have been exploring on The Femsplainers: For example, the importance of facing objective truths when it comes to our biology, what are our real hopes and ambitions as women versus what activists say they should be, how do we deal with family and friends who are being sucked down a social media vortext of conspiracy theories -- or God forbid, have just faced “cancellation” from their jobs or their social circles, because of an inopportune tweet or remark? And what about the chill on free speech at schools and campuses across the country that our children attend? (He talks about the latter in the clip below.)
Jonathan notes:
Disinformation. Trolling. Conspiracy theories. Cancel Culture. These are recent additions to our daily vocabulary that appear to have little in common. But together they are driving an epistemic crisis: a multifront challenge to America’s ability to distinguish fact from fiction and elevate truth above falsehood.
Biology IS Destiny -- But That Shouldn't Doom Us to Inequality
We ended our season with Dr. Carole Hooven, an evolutionary biologist at Harvard, who has just published truly one of the most remarkable and fascinating books I’ve come across in a long time: T, The Story of Testosterone, the Hormone that Dominates and Divides Us.
Carole is that rare scientist who is able to take sometimes complicated and technical information and make it all understandable. And not just understandable -- but weave it in with history, evolution, studies on everything from chimps to red deer to songbirds and of course humans, as well as her own experiences as a researcher. The result is a book that definitively shows how the sexes are shaped by biology -- nature as it were -- and much less by nurture. She reveals what a huge role testosterone plays in the differences between men and women. But as she points out these conclusions don’t have to reinforce stifling gender norms or so-called patriarchal values.
She writes:
Understanding the science sheds light on how we work and relate to one another, how we express anger and love, and how we can fight bias and problematic behavior to build a more fair society… Let’s get rid of the idea that the sexes must be born with basically the same brains in order to have equal rights. That usually seems to mean that women should be more like men.
Say, How About Becoming a Friend with Benefits?
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A Shout-Out to Our June Sponsors!
We're thankful to all the sponsors who support our podcast -- and even happier to pass along savings on great products to our listeners. And don't forget, every time you purchase from one of our sponsors you help support the podcast too! Links & deals in italics.
Who’s a good girl? Saffy and I start summer vacation (and I’m loving my Title Nine shorts. See sponsors below!)
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Have a wonderful summer, everyone! We’ll see you back here renewed and refreshed after Labor Day. Now I’m going to go pour myself a very stiff gin & tonic!
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