Burnt Waffles, Bare-Breasted Baristas & Sons Who Want to Be Daughters (That Was Our May!)
And it's only getting hotter in June...
Greetings from the Land of the Vaccinated! Those of you who’ve had their two shots (or one J&J shot) may be feeling like the tulips that popped out of the ground this past month. We’re finally emerging from our dark hibernation and reaching up towards the sun.
It seems fitting that in Washington, D.C., where I live, Brood X cicadas are emerging from the earth as well after 17 years of incubating. Suddenly the sidewalks and pathways are scattered with crunchy exoskeletons like the floor of a movie theater post-matinée. The bugs themselves can be found in sticky embrace or helplessly buzzing around on their backsides. They resemble the celebrating customers of the reviving bar scene. Everywhere you go, people are now maskless, smiling, saying an uncharacteristically friendly (for DC) “Hello!” to passersby. My husband, David, and I celebrated our two-weeks-post-2nd-vaccine liberation (May 7!) by eating indoors at a restaurant and hugging vaccinated friends.
This could be the post-Covid bar scene on 14th Street:
Even while everything seems almost normal, however, it’s still not normal for many. Some remain determinedly masked while walking their dogs through the woods, long after local by-laws have lifted outdoor masking rules. Others are reluctant to resume lost social habits. I’ve often wondered, throughout the pandemic, how many of us would behave like the character from Chekov’s short story, “The Bet.” After being imprisoned for 15 years, the once young man grows to despise everything about the outside world and resents his coming freedom.
I’ve been making a mighty psychological push to fight those impulses in myself. I may sometimes miss the quiet streets, or the lack of social pressure to dress up, wear make-up, go out, meet new people. For Mother’s Day, I wrote this article for the New York Daily News, about some of the unexpected gifts this strange past year delivered. Of course we must not forget the terrible losses as well — losses of life, of livelihoods, as well as all the cruel deprivations of our distant loved ones’ company, celebrations, graduations, and so much more that brings us meaning and joy. These losses and deprivations make it all the more urgent that we embrace life (and each other) again.
We Love You But Please Don't Bring Us Burnt Waffles!!!
We kicked off the month with our Mother’s Day Special. Comedian Sandra Tsing Loh joined me at the top of the show to air a litany of maternal grievances, one being the thoughtful but unfailingly awful child-made breakfast. As she recalled one of the worst ever (“omelette with oranges”) she noted the best way to spend Mother’s Day was with a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door. Sandra also wondered about changing her pronoun to “he” in order to get the easy passes on parenting she claims dads enjoy.
Writer Zibby Owens also came on the show to discuss her new pandemic anthology based on her popular "Moms Don't Have Time To..." series, and reflected on a year of her own personal loss.
The Bikini Baristas Last (Coffee) Stand: Why Should Women's Breasts Be Treated Differently Than Men's?
It’s a question that doesn’t seem to go away if you are of the ideological mindset that our breasts should have no sexual interest whatsoever (blame the patriarchy). But scantily-clad baristas at drive-thru stands in Everett, WA have taken it to the next level, arguing — before the 9th Circuit — that the 14th Amendment protects their right to serve double espressos topless.
The court will soon issue a ruling. In the meantime we invited our favorite evolutionary biologist, Heather Heying, on to discuss whether women's breasts have sexual purposes in addition to their feeding function, among many other questions (see YouTube snippet below. I was so excited to have an answer to this sexual conundrum). I also asked her if patriarchy is to blame? Or that prude Mother Nature?
When Sons Become Daughters: A Two-Part Series
Across the country there’s been a sudden spike in the number of teenagers declaring themselves trans. Last year, we covered this phenomenon happening among teenage girls, when we invited journalist Abigail Shrier on the podcast to discuss her then newly published book Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters.
She found that with so many cases, these young girls were not struggling with genuine gender dysphoria — they had never shown any previous signs of it — but other mental health issues. Rather than address those issues, however, parents discovered that when they went to seek help from doctors, therapists, schools, teachers — really, everywhere they turned — they were told to accept this change of identity right away, and even to start the medical transition of their children to the opposite sex through the use of puberty blockers, hormones, and of course, eventually surgery — all of which can have irreversible lifetime medical consequences. Extensive diagnosis was rarely ever made or offered. These professionals simply took these teenagers at their word, sometimes after only half an hour or so of conversation. And if the parents questioned this quick diagnosis, they were told their child could be at risk of committing suicide — or that the parents’ refusal to accept this sudden new identity was a product of their own prejudices and bigotry.
This same phenomenon is now happening amongst teenage boys. I decided to make a two-part series after I was contacted by members of a support group for parents of what is now called Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria. ROGD is a term used to describe children who, with no previous history of showing signs of gender confusion, suddenly self-identify themselves as transgender, simultaneously with others in their peer group. It’s very rare to have the opportunity to speak to the parents of these children. For obvious reasons they wish to remain anonymous -- aside from protecting the privacy of their kids, they fear backlash from their communities, their friends, even other family members, for expressing their concerns.
So in Part One, I interviewed journalist and academic Angus Fox (a pseudonym), who wrote an important series of articles on this topic in the online journal, Quillette. And we also heard from transwoman Corinna Cohn, who underwent full sex re-assignment surgery when she was an adolescent boy, at 19. Now in her forties. Corinna shared her remarkable, and at times heart-wrenching story, of what her body — and her personal life — has experienced in the years since “as a lifelong medical patient” (see YouTube clip, below).
In Part Two, I spoke to two mothers whose teenage sons have come out as trans — and how they’ve dealt with that as parents. You’ll hear that far from being parents unable to accept their child’s new identity for reasons of their own prejudices, these mothers, like most, are nothing of the kind: they are educated, often politically liberal, and wish to support their children in whatever way they can. They just don’t want their sons or daughters to make such life changing decisions at an awkward and early stage of their adolescence, before their bodies or even their brains have matured. It’s a wrenching situation to be in as a parent -- the slightest wrong word can have the effect of a nuclear missile on their relationships with their children and they are terrified of becoming estranged. I’m grateful to “Anita” and “Claire” for speaking out on the podcast, and for trusting me to protect their identities so others might hear and understand their perspectives.
As always when dealing with such sensitive issues, I wish to be clear about what we were NOT talking about: That is, adults who make the decision to change their sex, be it to male or female. That’s their right. That’s their own business. And like any other minority group they should not face discrimination based on this decision.
Say, How About Becoming a Friend with Benefits?
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Incoming Femsplainers for June (Plus One Mansplainer)
An interview with Vanity Fair writer Nancy Jo Sales, author of the new book Nothing Personal: My Secret Life Inside the Dating App Inferno turns into a dumpster fire when the author turns on me and accuses me of slut-shaming her (!). Fortunately my daughter Miranda Frum joins at the top of the show for a saner, millennial perspective on Tinder et al. More on that episode in next newsletter…
Next up is the incredible Gayle Tzemach Lemmon, author of the the new book Daughters of Kobani: A Story Of Rebellion, Courage, and Justice. She tells the extraordinary story of the female Kurdish warriors who took on ISIS — and won. Then one of our favorite mansplainers, Jonathan Rauch, returns to the podcast to discuss his new book, The Constitution of Knowledge: A Defense of Truth. We’re interested in his thoughts of facts vs feelings, especially as they relate to issues of sex. And rounding out this month (which seems to be rocking a theme of gender warfare) will be Carole Hooven. Her new book is called T: The Story of Testosterone, the Hormone that Dominates and Divides Us. As she notes: “The science is clear: testosterone is a major, invisible player in our relationships, sex lives, athletic abilities, childhood play, gender transitions, parenting roles, violent crime, and more. But there is still a lot of pushback to the idea that it does, in fact, cause sex differences and significantly influence behavior.”
That’s a lot of great reading to kick off the summer! Afterward we’re going to take some time to kick back ourselves, and take our summer break.
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